Narcissists devalue you to increase their own sense of self-worth. To explain this further, while a narcissists self esteem can be high, it can also be super fragile, dependent on external validation or self-deception. They will believe grandiose fantasies about themselves such as, they are smarter, more attractive, a saviour of others and more successful than everyone they know.
They will also easily put you down and generally monopolise any conversation or situation to make themselves feel better or superior. The narcissist must protect their reputation at all costs, so they start smear campaigns as a self-defence, and they do this by telling others that you are manipulative and abusive. They will dedicate a lot of time and energy into these smear campaigns because to them their lives and identity completely depend on it.
So, for example if you are engaged in a legal battle with a narcissist, if they lose the case you can absolutely bet that they will appeal the courts decision. If you are trying to negotiate outside of court, which I would not advise, an agreement can only be reached if you are prepared to completely do as the narcissist wants. If you are accused of doing anything wrong by the narcissist they will do everything in their power to try and ensure that everyone who knows them and knows you believes their version of events. And be guaranteed that they will manipulate the truth, so you become the villain.
But there is some good news you can absolutely survive and thrive and beat the narcissist at their own games. For today we will focus on how to survive this.
- You need to set your BOUNDARIES and stick to them no matter what the narcissist does. They hate having boundaries imposed, so be prepared for the pushback! If you need to block them from being able to contact you on all platforms including phone calls, texts, emails and social media go ahead and do so. Setting boundaries should also include setting personal boundaries such as not sharing personal information,”Grey rock.”
- Another important step in surviving the narcissists’ abuse is acknowledging the abuse be it past or present. If the narcissist is a romantic partner, family member, or friend it can be difficult to accept that some people just do not seem to care when they hurt others. Mental health issues do not excuse abuse.
- Learn more about narcissistic behaviours because being able to identify the tactics often used by people with narcissism can both make it easier to come to terms with your own abuse as well as giving you strategies to reduce the negative impact their behaviours can have on you.
- Take care of yourself and RECLAIM YOUR IDENTITY!!!! If you had changed your looks and style or lost things and friends or family because of the narcissist reclaim them.
- Do not criticise yourself for the abuse because no one deserves abuse, and the narcissists abuse is not your fault!
Instead REMEMBER to forgive yourself.