For some Christmas or just holidays are not filled with friends, family or numerous celebrations. For some it can be a lonely time of spending the holidays on your own. This could be by choice because it suits who you are and where you are in your life. But for many this is not by choice.
Today I wanted to talk about parents who actually want to be in their children’s lives, but because of separations or judgements made by the courts, will be finding themselves spending the holidays alone this year. This is more common than you can imagine, and it does not only impact fathers, mothers are also highly impacted by this as well.
In fact I am one of those mothers, last Christmas I spent Christmas alone. This was because my 2 sons where ordered by the courts to spend Christmas with my ex husband. I will not go into the details of the lies that he told for this to happen. The bottom line is it happened to me, and is happening to many more.
It was not easy to get through it but I did and I wanted to share some tips on how I did it:
1- Keep your children as your focus- make the most of whatever avenues of communication or contact that you are allowed during the holidays. Even if you them before or after Christmas make that special. Any day can be Christmas Day.
2- Look after your mental health- Do not drink too much or take drugs. Do not put yourself in dangerous situations that will affect your mental health or health. It is hard I know. Instead eat healthy, surround yourself with supportive and positive friends and family. Make time and space to enjoy the holidays for yourself.
3- Have perspective-This is only a moment in time. Children grow up and their needs change. Your needs change. How you feel now about the situation will be completely different in a years time.
I now enjoy my time away from my children, more than I thought I would, this time last year. This is because things change with time. I have built a support network and activities I enjoy doing. I also focus on looking after myself mentally, emotionally, physically so that I can be the best parent possible for the times I have my children. Because at the end of the day that’s what matters most.
Making the most of the time we have together Christmas or not!