Co parenting with an ex can be a stressful and emotional endeavour, even when things are civil. Unfortunately, it is common that breakups are rough, and the co-parenting relationship involves friction, arguments, disagreements about parenting choices, general opposition, manipulation and so on.
A difficult ex” can describe several personality types, and if you are dealing with a difficult ex, you probably already know. Some may generally oppose any decisions or suggestions you make, wanting to make sure that all ideas implemented in parenting are their own, in an attempt to control the parenting, some try to actively diminish the influence you may have on parenting decisions by making important decisions without collaboration, some also have a need to constantly compete and win against you rather that focusing on the best interest of the child or children.
In my case my ex is constantly trying to gaslight me for those that know what it means. He constantly wants to make me appear to other people like I am a bad mother to my children. He will bombard me with emails with questions, disguised as concerns about the children, questions I have to add that I have already answered in another email on in the numerous 3 way meetings we have about the children. And if I don’t reply god help me, that is twisted against me for everything it is worth.
Some effective ways I have found for dealing with my ex are:
1) Knowing my boundaries and sticking to them.
2) Enforcing my boundaries.
3) Communicate through a 3rd party or start counselling.
4) Set everything in advance.
5) Use legal documentation.
6) Focus on yourself development so their negativity does not affect you.
At the end of the day it is not easy to go through a partnership process with a person who sees and treats you like an enemy. When dealing with a difficult co parent, the best interest of the children needs to stay the centre of focus.
Most importantly look after yourself and your mental health so you can be the best parent to your children at all times.